


they like you better framed & dried

by valenstyne



Category: Loveless
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Child Abuse, Heavy Angst, M/M, POV Second Person, old fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-22
Updated: 2018-04-22
Packaged: 2019-04-26 11:46:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14401497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/valenstyne/pseuds/valenstyne
Summary: The loss of Soubi's ears, and the aftermath thereof.





	they like you better framed & dried

**Author's Note:**

> This is a revision of an old (like, REAL old) fic, and I don't know if it's entirely canon-compliant anymore or even any good but damn is it unhappy. Um. Yeah. Soubi's childhood makes me very sad.

You are bent double with your cheek pressed to the cold wooden surface of Ritsu-sensei’s desk, your body pierced through and pinned like the dead butterfly you would see inches from your nose if you opened your eyes. You don’t open your eyes. Ritsu-sensei is behind—above— _inside_ you, breathing harshly. His hands are on your hips and you know you will have bruises in the shape of his fingers. You know you will be in pain later. Right now you can’t feel anything.

Afterwards you pull your pants back on with numb fingers, stumble out of the office on wobbly legs. You don’t—can’t—look at Ritsu-sensei but you can feel him watching you go, his eyes as heavy on your body as his hands were just moments ago. Your head feels strangely light without your ears. You stagger down the hallway—has it always been so long?—to your room, thankfully not meeting anyone along the way. Once the door is safely shut you make a beeline for the bathroom and turn the shower on as hot as you can stand, though you know water will not make you clean.

You stay in your room for the next two days, sleeping fitfully, your whole body aching, unable to face being questioned about your ears. No one comes looking for you—you suspect Ritsu-sensei told your other teachers to leave you be, and you have no real friends—but someone leaves trays of food outside your door. It’s a nice gesture, but you can’t eat more than a bite or two without throwing up. Everything tastes like ashes anyway.

When you finally leave your room, the first person you meet is Nagisa. She asks you all the questions you don’t want to answer, hauls you to the one place you least want to go, screams at Ritsu-sensei while you stand in the doorway rubbing the place where your ears used to be. You can’t help but think that her anger is not so much on your behalf as it is born of her own jealousy. Ritsu-sensei doesn’t care either way.

Of course that’s not the end of it. Ritsu-sensei considers you his personal property now, but he still refuses to claim you as his Fighter. In your mind you rage at him, call him a coward and a liar, imagine running away from the school and making him miss you. But you can’t run away; you have nowhere to go. And maybe, maybe if you stay and become the perfect Fighter, learn not to feel pain or fear, give Ritsu-sensei everything he wants—maybe he’ll keep you. Even if it’s only because you remind him of your mother. Having few memories of her yourself, the rare occasions he speaks of her are almost a comfort.

He doesn’t keep you, though. Just as effortlessly as he claimed you, Ritsu-sensei throws you away. Suddenly you belong to Aoyagi Seimei, who despite being three years your junior dominates you as completely as Ritsu-sensei ever did. You tell him a little about yourself and Ritsu-sensei, only enough to answer his questions. Some things you cannot say. Seimei doesn’t really care, anyway. He likes perfect things, and you are far from perfect. When he raises the knife you bare your throat and ask him for pain, for feeling. He obliges you now. You know he never will again. 

It doesn’t matter. You already hurt as much as you can.


End file.
